Am I finally old enough to have a midlife crisis?

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Today I got a call from the humans resource department letting me know that I’m officially in the substitute system and I can start accepting jobs. While she had me on the phone she confirmed with me that I was certified for grades EC-6 (which just means I can teach Pre-K through 6th grade) and then she asked me if I was looking for full time work. I think the only thing I responded was “oh-uh”, before she said that the only reason why she was asking was a Pre-K teaching job is available, or about to be. She mentioned that she might be shooting herself in the foot for telling me. I thanked her for that bit of information, she then instructed me to go online and fill out an application. Or at least that’s what I think she said, because after she mentioned the full time job, my thoughts went crazy. I thanked her again, and ended the phone call.

I immediately thought about being tied down to a job. Everything on my to-do list that hasn’t been done, who am kidding, of all the things I still needed to write down on my to-do list! The big family trip I’m putting together that takes place the day after Christmas! How Thanksgiving is around the corner, and I wanted to get a bunch of stuff done around the house before then. I’m planning on having it here, for the first time ever! So I really wanted to plan for it, make sure I’ve got all my Pinterest recipes ready for it! I really don’t have much of the house decorated as it already is! I’ll miss hanging out with my dogs, watching TV whenever I want to, working out on a sporadic basis. Pre-K is time consuming, it’s the first time some parents are separated from their kids so I’ll be dealing with the problems that come along with that. I was thinking earlier today about how its Columbus Day, and when I was teaching, the students and para-professionals had the day off, but we went to work to conduct Parent Conference Day. Ugh, it was exhausting trying to send letters, and get them back, then assigning times, making sure the got that letter, calling anyone who didn’t get a letter, or just didn’t bother to send it back because the don’t really want to come. I will say that the difference would be the fact that was 5th and 6th grade taught, and Pre-K parents are way more involved. Therefore checking their backpacks and folders daily. But I thought, “Man I’m glad I’m not a teacher today having Parent conferences!” HA!

Since all this rushed into my head at once, I got a little freaked. So I texted my friend and and she said “DO IT!!!!”, she’s rarely the voice of reason (well sometimes she is, that would be funny if you knew her) So I got on my treadmill and started thinking about it while watching my DVR recordings. I started watching The Pioneer Woman, and can I just say, she is awesome! She does all the cool stuff; cook, blog, and takes fabulous photos. (I guess she can add star of her own TV show to that repertoire) Everything that I would love to do! But make a living dong it! Then I start wondering how I’m ever supposed to do something that cool when I’ll be busy teaching!

You see this is coming at a time when I’m having a mid-life crisis. (I guess you can call it that, I mean, I’m no spring chicken anymore) I don’t know what I want to do with my life. My husband and I moved out here two years ago, and got married a year ago this December. So when we moved here I was on unemployment and I had a wedding to plan, so I stayed busy. I was able to go to Galveston for different things, wedding dress shopping, then the alterations, the wedding shower, the bachelorette party and therefore was able to see my friends often. But around June, when the money ran out and the gas prices went up, I wasn’t able to see my friends as much anymore. Add that with the fact that I didn’t have the best experience teaching, I had five principals during my eight years of teaching, and I saw a lot of people I liked leave. Then hurricane Ike hit in 2008, and I haven’t really gotten over all that. 6 feet 9 inches in your house IS NOT good! From there on I’ve just had a sour taste in my mouth. Then we moved, and we live in the middle of nowhere, which I joke about a lot, but for the love of God do I HAVE to be this far away from a Target? So at first when I used up all the unemployment I could muster I looked a the local listings for teaching jobs, however known were in my field of certification, and these towns are so small that someone either has to retire or die in order to free up a job. So I was set on subbing for a while to slowly get used to things, meet people, and maybe get my foot in the door for next year. Meanwhile I was going to use my sub money to get caught up on some bills and use any extra for materials, for me to make decorative signs with to start selling. Since after the wedding I’ve had time to think “now what?”. When you’re in high school, your your goal is to graduate high school and get into college. I knew I had to go to college, but I had no idea what I wanted to do. Once I settled on teaching, I worked on getting that diploma, passing the tests to be certified, and then getting a job. Once I got the job I worked on that and then my personal life. Decided on marriage, (it took us awhile) but weren’t not having kids, Speed has a son, he just turned 20, so there aren’t any more kids in our future. So now I don’t know what to do. Many women my age already have kids or are planning to have kids and that will define them as a mother, whereas I don’t have that role to play, and I’m looking for a new one, and I don’t know if teaching is the answer.

But here’s what I ultimately decided on while taking a shower after my workout. That I will apply, because who can afford not to in this economy, and I will say yes to the job if its offered to me. I will pray about it and tell God what my plan is, and that if He thinks this is my path in life, to take this job, then it will be offered to me. If its not in His plan, then I won’t get the job. I think I can live with that decision.

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